When You Start to Miss the Person Who Hurt You

At some point after creating distance, the anger fades and something else shows up in its place. You might hear a song, pass a familiar place, or think of something small you used to share. You remember why you pulled away, but you also remember what used to feel good. Missing them can catch you off guard because it does not fit the story you tell yourself about moving on.

Feeling that way does not mean you made a mistake. It means you are human. Even painful relationships can hold real moments of care and connection. It is normal to miss parts of what once felt familiar, especially when life gets quiet.

When you start to miss someone who hurt you, it can be a sign that it is time to start working on your boundaries. This is the point where you begin figuring out what connection looks like when it does not cost you your peace. Think about what kind of communication feels safe, what topics you are not willing to revisit, and what you need in order to stay grounded if contact ever resumes. Boundaries do not have to mean disconnection. They mean clarity about what you can and cannot handle right now.

Missing someone does not automatically mean you should reach out, but it also does not mean you never can. Time apart can help both people see things more clearly. Reconnection only works when both sides are ready to approach it differently. Whether that happens or not, the goal is to keep growing in how you understand yourself and what you need from the relationships in your life.

Missing them simply means you cared. That feeling does not cancel your boundaries. It reminds you that your capacity to love is still intact, even when you have been hurt.