Useful Isn't the Same as Loved grew out of years of research into family estrangement and the conversations that followed with women trying to understand why the effects of difficult family relationships didn't end when the relationship itself changed.

Estrangement can create distance from a parent, but it doesn't automatically change the patterns that developed inside the relationship. Many women continue carrying those patterns into friendships, romantic relationships, work, and parenting without realizing how much they influence the way they give, receive, trust, and connect with other people.

This book explores those patterns through research, psychological insight, and fictional vignettes that bring everyday moments to life. Rather than focusing only on the decision to become estranged, Useful Isn't the Same as Loved asks a different question: What happens afterward?

If you've ever found yourself carrying more than you receive, struggling to ask for help, feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions, or wondering why healthy relationships still feel unexpectedly difficult, this book offers a framework for understanding those experiences with greater clarity and compassion.

Whether you're estranged from a parent or simply recognize these relational patterns in your own life, my hope is that you'll leave with a deeper understanding of yourself and the relationships you want to build moving forward.

Why I wrote this book

I founded The Estrangement Project because I believe estrangement deserves more thoughtful conversations than we usually have. This book is the first step in that mission.

~ Keisha Clark