A relationship can be abusive without a single incident in it, and that's part of why it takes so long to name. Every example sounds small on its own, the eleven phone calls, the twelve dollars you had to explain, so you stop trying to explain it to anyone.

There's the call where someone asks how you're doing, and the other one, the one that only comes when something needs fixing. If you get a lot more of the second kind, this is about the boundary that finally tells you the difference.

Someone treats you with steadiness and respect, and instead of relief you feel bored, or suspicious, or sure there's a catch you haven't found yet. Then someone who runs hot and cold lights you up, because that one feels like home. On what a dysfunctional family teaches you about love, and what it takes to unlearn it.

Most people decide and then answer. Some of us answer and then find out what we decided.