The Mother Who Might Go First
If your estranged daughter goes first, you might not find out for weeks, and if you go first, she might not come to the funeral. Before either happens there’s a will to sort out and a letter you might be tempted to write, and the letter only helps if it’s about her.
It's Easier to Stay Angry Than to Say You Miss Her
Anger is the easier sentence. Tell a friend you're furious with your sister and she follows you without needing anything else. Tell her you miss your sister and the question arrives inside a minute, and it amounts to why don't you call her.
The Reminders Don't Stop Because You Did
A woman nine years out finds the teapot on the top shelf where she put it so she'd stop seeing it, and she stands in her own kitchen at four in the afternoon feeling something she thought she was done feeling in 2019. That happens to women who are certain about the decision, who wouldn't go back, who have built good lives since. It isn't a sign that anything is unfinished.
You Still Look Her Up
It's eleven forty on a Tuesday and a woman who hasn't spoken to her mother in two years is on her profile, looking at pictures of a cookout she wasn't invited to. She feels bad about it right away, and then she lies there working out what it means about her that she looked. It doesn't mean what she thinks it means.
When You Miss Someone You Still Need Distance From
Missing someone who hurt you can feel confusing. It does not mean you made a mistake; it may mean you are ready to start building stronger boundaries.
When an Estranged Mother Dies
Everyone assumes the distance made it easier. Six years without contact, so surely the loss was already absorbed. It doesn't work that way.